It’s no wonder I was given this B+ blood type, not only as a moniker of how I hope I am deep down, but as a benchmark of how I’d like to be, especially when meeting challenges.
It’s Friday the 13th, and for those who are superstitious, it’s a day when bad things happen. OR you could look at it differently as I am, as a day when IF something bad is going to happen, it might as well come out of hiding today and show itself and let ME decide if it is as bad as IT thinks it is. Taking the veil off scary situations and staring them in the face eye to eye gives you the power vs relinquishing it, gives you control and that optimism that you know is still there, that you know still shines brightly inside you.
These last few weeks I’ve been scared of a lot. Scared my health is going down the tubes, scared I won’t continue to be my usual bubbly energetic self, scared I’ll get chemo and feel and look awful. Today, this Friday the 13th, my doctor’s office called me and I learned that I will need chemo after all to eliminate any potentially lingering not benigns, which they say are gone, but so we can ensure they stay that way.
I’d like to announce today that I’m done wallowing in all this, so please don’t you. I’m beginning a period I’d like to call my drama drought. I’m rolling up my sleeves and getting to work. All the worry and whining will give way to smiling and winning. And it’s Christmas time for crying out loud! I’ve got so much to do and good things on my plate.
I imagine I might feel kind of lousy after I begin this treatment (dates tbd after I meet with my oncologist one week from today), and while my beautiful hair might need to go dormant during this winter, like a lovely zoysia lawn does, I am still here. I’m as me as I ever was, and I am going to move through all of this happy and healthy, and with boatloads of “Be Positive” bright red blood coursing through me.
Just my update for today. I like thoroughness and this Friday the 13th, while a smidge disappointing, did its part, lived up to its reputation, delivering a full-on badass Friday the 13th. But just so we’re clear, I’m the bigger badass, so there.
I’ll close with Happy Friday, because it still is and I still am.
xoxoxo
This is bold writing from a bold woman. I’m proud to call you my friend and please know we’re here alongside you for the journey, every step of the way. Here’s to healing! (p.s. – I love the zoysia lawn symbolism).
Here’s to good friends, like you!
Susan, I hung on to every word in this post. Masterfully-delivered, your message of fear and hope is beautiful and powerful. It’s inspiring. I’m a believer — you are the badass. xoxo
xoxoxo