breast cancer, connection, Health

Half Time Show

It’s half time and Be-Positive Susan is holding the lead against the Not-Benigns at 2-0 and heading into the second half, with the two remaining events on Feb 7 and 28. Yesterday’s second treatment was nothing like the uneventful first. A little update:

It began the day before when I started on the three days of steroids you’re supposed to take twice a day, the day before, day of, and day after treatment. The second dose I made sure I took fairly early at 3pm so as not to disturb my sleep. I guess my rpms must run high already – who are we kidding, we all know they do –  because I didn’t sleep the entire night. Those nights when you could swear it’s time to get up but it’s still just 1:45 am, and then 4am. So maybe I got two hours if that, but can’t imagine any more.

IMG_6659On my way out I saw a glorious sunrise, which filled me up. I had to buy ice and the locked box outside wouldn’t open with the key the gas station attendant gave me. Only the 20 pound bags were accessible and I wanted 10 which already my cooler wouldn’t hold. The attendant grudgingly came outside to help and me and she also couldn’t open it. Hoping she’d take pity on a running late girl and let me head out with the 20-pound bag having only paid for the 10, but no such luck. We had to go back inside and recharge my AmEx after I waited in line behind other customers. This extra 10-15 minutes cost me being on time and left me a tad frazzled. Got there with all my gear – my big Ikea bag carrying my weighted blanket (a godsend!), another soft blanket, my washed cotton bonnet which goes under the cold cap, the spray bottle to make sure head is soaked before starting cold cap, magazines, my lunch, steroids for morning and afternoon doses, socks for feet for icing, cooler for ice, containers to put my feet and hands in while icing and a hoodie and more socks. Got settled into a chair with my friend Elsie by my side and we began round 2.

IMG_6670Nurse struggled with IV for a long time telling me she’s trying to weave it in. Elsie looked over with concern seeing the nurse struggle and watching me whince. I reminded her to please just not look. I’m not going to as I never do, and I can’t handle the concerned looks as they bring worry to her face and to my mind. So we kept up some semblance of a conversation while the nurse kept poking my wrist from different angles and it didn’t seem like she was making any headway. All I could picture is she’s a novice crewel embroiderer (not cruel as she was super sweet) and is trying to do the satin stitch but instead working on some combination of it and a chain stitch, a frenetic criss-crossing of holes and angles, needle going in and popping back out at a strange angle. Had I looked I knew it would appear my wrist lost its battle with a box grater. I can say that it most assuredly hurt like hell. She suggested she get someone else to try to which I enthusiastically nodded yes, and another lady came by and switched to my right arm. This one took thankfully without too much embroidery gymnastics involved.

Got all settled in with my cool cap and hands and fingers on ice and they started the first drug. Not even ten minutes in it seems I had a reaction. I’ve had just one migraine in my life and that brought dark floaters cruising along horizontally. This situation did too but they weren’t dark things moving left and right, but instead a beautiful explosion of sparkly diamonds, round brilliants I believe, dancing in front of my face, like Tinkerbell’s Pixie Dust, and then according to Elsie, I turned Pepto Bismol pink very quickly. I knew something was wrong and Elsie thought I might be nauseus, and I loved to see her take quick action, dragging a trash can over in preparation. I suggested she call someone and she did and in no time three attendants came over dragging various monitors and they took all my vitals and asked me various questions. I’m a Leo and I love attention showered on me, and this I’ll admit felt good, safe. One weird reaction on top of the flush and floaters was this bizarre chemical taste in my mouth – maybe the nasty stuff from the IV had found it’s way into my throat? – and my back had a strange pain, like I had been slumping too long and needed to sit up. They called the doctor who suggested we stop the drug for a half hour and try starting it up seeing how I do after the break. Like a computer solution, turn the machine off and reboot. Similar to how pool staff react to a strike of lightning. Everyone out for a half hour. I really hoped I’d tolerate this drug when it resumed as I had my heart set on getting this treatment done and over with and setting my sights on the third. So IV drip stopped and I began to feel better. Then they resumed and it went ok. Joe recalled on the first treatment that they started me off slowly with a slower or lesser dose and then gradually ramped up to the full one. I did so well then that maybe they thought I’d be able to start full throttle with this second round. Next round I’m going to ask if they want to try the slow start again. I imagine the 0-2 hours sleep from the previous night didn’t help matters.

IMG_6677Re my hair, it did major shedding these last few days, as the cold cap folks warned, but it’s still there. Doctor thinks if I was going to lose it all it would be noticeable by now, so I think the cap might be working. They warn that you will have a good deal of shedding but don’t be alarmed as that’s normal around first and second treatments. It should taper off as I go on. These steroids have left with me English cheeks, that lovely flush you see in old fashioned paintings, but mine’s more intense and spread out.

When I left yesterday it was after 5pm, having arrived at 8am, so a long day. Horrible tummy pains when I left and I was to meet a friend for a drink (I’d already decided in advance that I would order a ginger mocktail as she sipped her bonafide cocktail). Went home and changed out of my chemo wear (long sleeve T, sweats and sneakers) and once out I headed to the restaurant and still felt bad. Knew I had nausea. Another girlfriend joined us and when I sat down I just couldn’t picture staying there, finishing out the night with our plans. I could feel it coming on, when the waters rise in your mouth and you absolutely must get to the restroom. I hopped up and headed for the ladies room, but couldn’t expel whatever evil had taken over my gut. I asked the waiter for a to go cup for my mocktail and paid and left, disappointed I couldn’t enjoy time with these two lovely ladies and head on to the poetry reading we’d planned to attend.

Got home to an empty house and made a B-line for upstairs, peeling off my going out clothes and swapping them out for sweats and a soft t-shirt. Soon my older son arrived and came to my room and could see I needed help. He brought Gingerale and a blanket and knowing how much I love hanging out with him, he suggested he sit next to me in my bed and we watch the remaining episodes of Modern Love, a series I’ve already watched but that I introduced to him, all set in New York, good writing and acting, a win win. Two sips of Gingerale in and I darted out of bed, and final got to expel my tummy mess. Twice. But didn’t feel any relief so it was back to lie down and try and get comfortable Another ten minutes later and a few more sips, and I did a repeat. Surely vomiting four times would leave one’s stomach feeling better? But not mine. It took another half hour and a fifth time to do the job. Joe came back from his out-of-town trip about this time and tried to get a read on my state and I had no words. I received him with an, all of you I’m done now just leave me alone glance, though his sweet hug hello was nice. So they left me and I passed out in my clothes and slept all night. This morning I couldn’t find my glasses to save my life – doctor says it’s best to not wear contacts over these treatments bc my eyes might feel dry – and after much searching on my crowded night table which had been doing overtime with half glasses of Gingerale, partial bottles of Gatorade and crackers and nausea meds, I found the glasses under my blanket where they’d been all night, directly under me as I slept.

IMG_6680Up today eating toast and drinking Gatorade. Pets all around and my dog has established a strange little nap routine, tucking her head under her mat. I’m feeling much much better. Graduated to a sweet potato and a little chicken. Last steroid this afternoon will be it until my next treatment so looking forward to no more big energy bursts and English cheeks, and settling into whatever this next round will bring. So much better to at least have experience of the first round and even this second. Anything goes with these crazy drugs and I’m good and ready. Despite a rough day yesterday, I am optimistic and thankful. It feels so good to have this behind me. Going through this you actually look forward to the next treatments. You want time to speed up and I’ve been filling mine with loads of things — good foods, a little TV, and some of my favorites have been loads of walks and talks. A handful of girlfriends have stayed in good touch and we’ve begun doing long walks. I started getting into that 10,000 steps thing using my health app on my iPhone. The other day I did a dog walk and two separate walks and talks with friends and that got me up to 6.4 miles! So fun and efficient to catch up with dear girl friends and travel all over town, in neighborhoods, downtown by stores, wherever. The conversation and our legs take us loads of places. Far better than sitting over a glass of wine like I used to do, though I do want to resume those, albeit sparingly.

Once I start radiation at the end of March, I’m considering walking the 2.8 miles each way. Maybe a little extreme, but I love the efficiency of getting your walk all done and moving through another treatment. The nurses thought that might be a little much and I’d become tired or stranded, but I might at least try one way walks there or back. Again, I’m looking forward to this, getting it done. All these little tests and then I finish. Thanks for hanging in there and listening and loving me.

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Half Time Show”

  1. Ok, that treatment was unlike round one. I have to say, with you being a writer, it really helps with message delivery. I mean, that’s the point, in a way, to have the reader follow along for maximum uptake. So, bully for you. I know this is no game, and that this is your real life, even with unexpected scenarios ahead, but I’m grateful to be able to follow along. Thanks for that.

    Like

  2. I believe I just had a real conversation with you. It’s a gift you have, Susan.
    And I saw your pic this morning of the sunrise and the one of you and Joe tonight for the party for LAS … both stunning.
    Words, brain, beauty in the midst of all your life. xoxo

    Like

  3. I found myself reading faster and faster hoping to get to the relief part. You are the epitome of strength. Your writing pulls me along on your journey.

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