2024, Home Renovation

Live Your Life

Joe and I are the same age yet often joke about which one of us is older. Even though my birthday falls thirteen days before his, I was a preemie and showed up an uncharacteristic six weeks ahead of schedule. I argue his parents had sex first, so he was already a bundle of cells well on his way before my parents shared that fateful bottle of champagne, rendering my mom so woozy that theirs was a diaphragm-less affair. What a lightweight! But at least that got me here.  

It seems we’re all trying to be younger all the time, slow down time and feel in control, aren’t we? Wanting to skew things, line them up in the most positive light so we can feel better about our lot in life. So much we can’t control, but we do get to decide which dates we want to designate as milestones to celebrate when they come back around again. 

No one told me when I got cancer which event is used to count how far out I was, how far away from that first flurry of worry. Was it when I found the lump? Or maybe it was when my surgeon removed it? Or the first chemo treatment or last round of radiation? When do I start counting so all that time I lost can start piling up in the rearview and my life ahead can be the focus? A while back I asked my doctor about this, and he sort of shrugged his shoulders, but said I could use my surgery as the counting point. Makes sense for it to be when that scalpel slid through my tissue and the little stinkers had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. 

It’s been a crazy five years, a herky-jerky crash course in collision. We’ve had home construction (which is still going on), we’ve had Covid (there’s now a vaccine for that), and we’ve had cancer (there’s a whole host of treatments for that). It’s the three Cs but we’re not talking sparkly diamonds, though there were cuts, inclusions and the clarity was far from flawless. 

There have been glimmers though. Even though we’ve been kitchen-less since May, now there are cabinets in place and counters are coming. Covid has folded into our lives now as something we can manage with regular vaccines and occasional masks. My radiation department began sending me marketing materials which made me feel normal, like a regular person they got off a list. 

My oncologist was rather blah every time I’d see him, yet I wanted some of this blank calmness for myself. I remember the very first appointment when he asked a female PA to join our meeting. Maybe we’d need a witness in the room should I started picking up things and hurling them against the wall in a tantrum one might throw if they’d, too, been branded a cancer patient. At subsequent appointments, each time he’d just look at me, tranquilly, and like an anxious child impatient for news some adult is taking forever to release, I’d ask, “Whadaya got? What else can I do to be sure I’m doing everything I can?” Surely he knows a perfect shift we can make in my repertoire so we can all finally be done here and begin to relax.  I waited and I watched, and he calmly looked up like some milquetoast and uttered softly, “Live your life,” which would be his response again each time he got a whiff of my existential dread. 

His manner was not terribly warm, which I found weird given the scary prognoses he has to daily dole out and treat. I have a friend who I recently learned had cancer who also went to him, and she dropped him to find another doctor. She said she didn’t like his style—maybe it was his low energy vibe, or that deer in headlights gaze I feel each time. But I don’t go there for the warm hugs, of which there are none. I go there because he’s experienced and smart and nothing like the alarmist, I wish I was not. It’s not the perfect doctor I’m after; I just want to be a typical case that follows a typical trajectory. But there is no typical, silly!

Today marks F I V E years since my surgery. I intentionally made space between these letters to let them breathe beautifully like I should do too. I’m halfway. Five more to go to get to T E N before he will stamp C U R E D in my chart (they don’t really have a stamp I don’t think, but it would be cool if there was one, and it made that sound when your passport gets stamped, and you excitedly press on toward the fun holiday ahead). There’s no recipe, no airtight prognosis. There’s no, “Here’s exactly what’s going to happen to you.” There’s no, “Sometimes it stays away in the short-term, sometime in the long-term, or it will come back.” No one knows, but time passing is a good thing.

It was reassuring when I noticed a limp my doctor had a few appointments ago. I certainly don’t wish that for him, but he’d had an injury and needed surgery. I was reminded that it’s not just me who’s the patient, and I’m not alone in getting older, and we’re all dealing with limps and lumps in the road. This, I find comforting, that I’m not so separate. He’s not who he was five years ago, any more than I’m who I was. But he’s much improved and his limp has disappeared. My oncology appointments are less frequent and my eye stopped twitching years ago. I’m still getting those marketing mailers asking for money, and finding them in my mailbox is as reassuring as the first time.

So, I suppose we can now simply circle back to the instruction: Live Your Life, and enjoy it right now together.

Home Renovation, Hopefulness, Uncategorized, Victorian Home

This Old Sink

She’s a beauty

There’s been an old sink in an outbuilding on this property for years, and my cursory research suggests it dates to the 1880s. It’s a wide marble sink with a circle bowl, and the stone and metal faucets are worn. The marble has that yummy dull patina marble gets over time. Veiny and milky grey, and its honed matte finish and etchings tell generations of stories. This old house predates plumbing, so I can only imagine what a luxury a sink must have been with hot and cold water running out of separate faucets–like little magical rivers!

The marble has several rust spots and after trying several rust cleaners, I found it’s even better to create a DIY mixture called a poultice from hydrogen peroxide and baking soda, with enough water to give it the consistency of peanut butter. You apply it only to the rust-colored area and seal it with plastic wrap you’ve taped down. Leave it at least 72 hours and then clean it off and wipe it vigorously with a soft cloth. This worked for me, and the rust seemed to fade slightly. If you are super careful, you can also lightly run sandpaper over it which will eat into the rust layer and lighten it further. It also can scratch the marble, however, so you must take great care to not etch it further. At some point, you realize a slight amount of rust is okay since you’ve been at this for weeks, making various potions and poultices, and perhaps it’s time to move on to the next challenge before you: the faucets. 

Cold faucet on left where hot should be–maybe a brain boost?

The faucets looked dullish green and oxidized, and they weren’t responding to various methods I’d used to clean them. After more research I learned the green corrosion isn’t necessarily a bad thing and found this explanation: 

Although it makes sense to think of the green patina on the exterior of the bronze as a disease or a flaw, it’s a corrosion that protects the material inside. The greenish corrosive layer that coats the surface of a bronze faucet after repeated exposure to air and moisture is a protective shell that prevents the metal alloy from sustaining further damage and rotting or becoming porous. The coating can be seen as a good thing, indicative of this material’s ability to withstand temperature fluctuations and dampness.

Too perfect to carve

Still, I wanted to get under the charming patina and see what came before. Wandering the hardware store yesterday I came upon a product called Brasso, which is designed for cleaning and polishing seven different metals, including bronze. I found a reputable marble cleaner as well, and maybe the most perfect pumpkin I’ve ever seen (and at 30% off!). I felt as if I’d scored big and came away with a renewed energy to roll up my sleeves and get to work, now with a satisfying pride that only comes with commitment and tenacity–and hopefully the right products. 

Samantha has plans

The cat has her own project and is certain she can climb into the kitchen ceiling and maybe even on into the outdoors. For now I’ve nailed up an old sheet, but she remains terribly entertained at the possibilities and the new windows on the world she can now look through.

For my project, I had to liberally tape off these faucets so the surrounding marble wouldn’t be further traumatized by chemicals, and then I set to work. I started with a microfiber cloth and alternated between that and paper towels. After some effort, I saw a little green come off on the towel, but not enough to convince me it was working. I kept at it though because where there’s a little green, surely there is more. For the better part of an hour, I applied copious amounts of Brasso to my cloth and rubbed. And rubbed. And rubbed some more. I began to see light, hope and the loveliest shiny metal coming out. A number of distracting dark specks wouldn’t lift, so I employed my sandpaper trick I’d used on the rust, and they faded into the metal. What I’m left with is gracious and stunning and shiny. I think it must be bronze, but it resembles copper. Shiny like a penny.

How long have these faucets been waiting in the wings for their rebirth? If this house could talk! All along, the green corrosion coating has been protecting them, saving their luster and shine from the elements until someone is curious enough to lure it out of hiding. 

I can’t help but think of our own coatings and hardened shells we wear to protect us from the hardness of the world, yet how much beauty there is within all of us and always has been.

Home Renovation, Victorian Home

Color Ways

My mother always used to tell me, “Once you make your mind up about something, there’s no stopping you.” Very occasionally this statement was a compliment, referring to my tenacity and stick to it-ness, but the truth of the matter is she was probably exasperated by me and was referring to my stubbornness and singleness of mind when pursuing something or proving a point, a trait I feel certain she realized we shared.

Take paint colors, for instance. Choosing them can be exhilarating, infuriating, and intimidating, yet it’s an opportunity for change that can go either way–beautifully or else very wrong or else land in that in-the-middle meh space. Our 1860s Victorian home with its rich history, striking architectural details, dramatic verticality, and prominent bay windows was ready to go, all stripped and scraped, and just waiting to be painted. No pressure. No pressure at all.

Finding the right color for this beauty was no simple task. But is anything? I recall early last year when I was knee-deep into paint research and we were noticing houses on walks, drives and online. We often talked of painting it grey–not just any grey, but an extremely pale grey such that the visual jump from clapboard to trim was so minimal that it would look unique in the subtlest of ways, a head turner. Still, we’re talking grey, and as it is, the world is saturated with greys and greiges.

After a walk with my sister, Anne, visions of color began dancing in my head and a new approach took hold. There was a beautiful house we’d walked past which was painted a gorgeous found-in-nature green with touches of blue and grey–lovely, storybook even, in Anne’s own words. It made her heart go pitter patter, and because she has exceptional taste, my own heart couldn’t help but do a little skip, too. 

From all the previous back and forth, I’d assumed my husband was hellbent on grey, so there seemed little point in making the case for color. However, when Anne returned this past April, we did our walk again and found ourselves back on the green house’s street. She gushed again and I could see how much this color fueled her sense of wonder and joy. If I could have then and there, I would have bought her a sweet little house on a hill that she could paint this dreamy color. Later that day, we drove to the mountains to visit a favorite pottery shop and have dinner near there, and talked more about the green house, wondering where my own house color choice would land. 

On the drive, I noticed on a hill all by its lonesome a lovely boxy old house painted a most extraordinary blue. I gasped and couldn’t take my eyes off it. It was darling and looked happy and it pulled me in, but still trying to make it to that store, we kept going. On the way back, we drove past the blue house again, a charming B&B I couldn’t wait to see up close. Making our way up the drive, we found several cars parked in the gravel lot, and Anne stayed in the car while I walked to the front door to see if I could learn the house’s color. I found it odd that this special place had no name plaque or marker outside, but it did have screened French doors, which were unlocked and open, and so I stepped in. 

Looking around the foyer, something felt out of place, and I quickly realized that something was me. There were family portraits on the walls and in the room to the left, an upright vacuum stood in the middle of the rug, its long cord connected to the wall, as if someone mid-vacuuming had been interrupted. This was no inn. I was inside a family’s private home! It was too late now. I was inside and still very much on my paint color hunt. Without advancing from my position in the entry, I began calling, “Hello? Hello?” to which an increasingly and understandably agitated female voice in the distance replied with the same. Seconds later, a woman appeared, the homeowner, whose expression made it clear that the stranger standing in her foyer had some explaining to do, and explain I did. I calmly said how beautiful her house was, especially its color, and apologized profusely that I’d come inside, but I didn’t realize… and then I moved on to the reason for the visit: Would she be willing to share her house’s beautiful color with me? 

Meanwhile, still waiting in the car, my sister was growing concerned because she’d seen a loose dog running around the property. Recently bitten by a stray dog and with that memory still uncomfortably clear, she could only assume the dog would lunge in my direction. The dog turned out to be a love bug and its owner was friendly, too, and she introduced me to her mother who stood smiling in the driveway as we walked out. Like me, they’d lived in Atlanta before, and also like me, the daughter had struggled choosing house colors, moving toward greys before deciding on color. With a pay it forward style exuberance, she graciously and proudly handed me her extra paint chip to take with me, Sherwin-Williams Dutch Tile Blue, and off we went, mission accomplished. 

Back home, Anne and I went walking past the green house again. I was of course done knocking on stranger’s doors, but with a new-found fearlessness, Anne had to uncover this magical green’s name, and so she knocked. It took some time, but after a while, an older woman came out, understandably guarded and with arms crossed, to see what it is we wanted. It took no time after seeing these two beaming fans of her house and its color, for her to go back inside and retrieve her own paint chip: Sherwin-Williams Halcyon Green. This time, it was Anne who was the victor, and with this information, the year plus long color search felt complete. She left the next day to return home to Chicago, but with so much invested, remained ever close to our house color saga.

Next, I bought poster board and paint samples and painted one board the blue and one the green. My husband, presumably still in the grey camp, would now have two more choices to consider. I seriously loved this blue but didn’t want to let on because it might not work out as I’d hoped. I reminded myself I’m merely half of this equation, and we both have to love the paint color we land on. With uncharacteristic zero pressure, I presented the two poster boards outside in the sun for him to peruse. I gave him plenty of time and shut up about the benefits of each and told him it was his decision, knowing full well I was DYING for that Dutch Tile Blue while my sister miles away held steady with team Halcyon Green, confident either option would be stunning. After what seemed like an eternity with Joe pacing in front of the house, looking up at the front façade, and then back down at the poster boards, he uttered a simple, “I’m thinking the blue?” as if it were a question that needed answering. I was screaming inside, but let out a simple, “Are you sure?” and after that, he nodded and said he thought it looked great. I offered a succinct, “Okay, sounds good,” and moved quickly to remove the poster boards and any chance of a change of heart. And that was that. 

No more second guessing. We both love the color and I think the house feels the love too.
Home Renovation, lead paint

Disconcertia

House renovations mess with your peace of mind, and if your mind and home are already a mess, well then bless your scattered little heart. It’s been a week, or is it a month, or how ’bout we just call it as it is and say years?

As we plow forth in this now several years long home improvement journey, the spaces are changing, some for the better for sure, but many temporarily piled higher with our seemingly endless mounds of stuff. I can’t solve the puzzle, full, queen and cal king bedding, for instance. The linen closet has been taken over with paint cans and new HVAC ductwork serving those changing spaces, so these items find themselves homeless. And whomever in the linen industry decided to not CLEARLY LABEL sheet sets with their proper FULL, QUEEN, KING designations was an inconsiderate buffoon. Am I the only one who finds herself draping these UNMARKED sheets across the tops of beds trying to decide which goes with which? When I achieve what feels like success, I get a fat Sharpie and duly note said size. We’ve two bathtubs in living spaces downstairs, another upstairs in the hall, and boxed sinks and toilets scattered about also waiting for their permanent homes. Seems there is nowhere to find calm except for the living room, which doubles as my husband’s part-time office, and the dining room, unless you’re just going to throw in the towel, go upstairs, and climb in bed under the covers. 

DO NOT ENTER
EXIT TO THE REAR

In addition to the new spaces we are adding, we also are finally getting around to some house maintenance things, the big ones that take forever to complete and which seem to require multiple equity lines of credit, like a new roof and exterior painting. The house’s origins date back to 1860 and the lead paint removal is tricky, requiring the half a dozen or so paint removers and scrapers to wear hazmat suits. For the last 48 hours our front entry has been off limits with a “KEEP AWAY, LEAD PAINT” banner draped across it. The back entry for now is a makeshift setup, requiring you pay attention and carefully grab a column if you’re going to not lose your footing going up or down. 

It seems topsy turvy is becoming normal. These days I’ve found I also am struggling to enter my car. The fob no longer works to open the driver’s door and the key isn’t helping either, so I must enter the front passenger door and climb over the console, this despite new fob batteries. It’ll be some time before I can get an appt to get it looked at, but I’m glad I’m flexible and can maneuver over consoles and up ladders to get where I’m going. 

Doors open and cats have choices again

Meanwhile there are the cats, bored out of their tiny little minds and being hustled here and there, wherever the work isn’t. I’ve made notes for doors, big sticky notes, with a “KEEP OUT, CATS INSIDE” warning which I move around depending on where the kitties must quarantine on a given day. I often remind my husband and subs which rooms are off limits so none of us forgets. The thought of crawling army style through the crawl space yet another time to persuade the rotund 17-lb Bo to move toward the treat I’m dangling is exhausting, and the hours-long effort is equally if not more so. The little one, sweet Sam, only recently weighing in at 5lbs, likely wouldn’t dash into the crawl space if she were to escape, and we’d worry about owls or hawks or coyotes that would find her a delectable snack. So corralling the cats is a must so we can continue enjoying them in our lives and so they can enjoy the screened porches to come. I remind them of this often.

Window of hope

The bits of improvements we see are huge beacons of hope, enormous concentrated beauty we continue to gaze at starry-eyed. The upstairs bathroom we’ve used for years has been getting lots of love. Since we moved here in 2009, that space was our shared bathroom for the four of us. It had zero HVAC, so we rolled in space heaters in winter and fans in summer. The floor was noticeably sloped, and I recall once when one of the boys was sick and I dropped an old-fashioned thermometer. Little beads of mercury rolled all over the place and I kept chasing them with scotch tape as they threatened to go under the claw foot tub, basically forever out of reach. The slope was such that when you were sitting on the toilet it felt as if you were on the low side of a sinking ship. But today it’s leveled and the room’s tiled and awaiting wainscoting, lighting and fixtures. 

In the middle of all this, two days ago my husband tested positive for COVID. Other than the fact that it’s highly contagious, it’s hard to say exactly where he picked it up. Regardless, he’s been congested, feverish and developed a hacky cough, but is otherwise okay like you are when you have a cold. He was able to schedule a video telehealth appt with our internist today who called in Paxlovid, a recent drug that is supposed to stop COVID in its tracks.

The dreaded two lines

As for me, I tested negative two days ago but soon developed my own congestion and headaches too, and today I tested positive. Much like a pregnancy test, it’s nerve-racking to wait those 10 or 15 minutes for the single or double line results. This same internist couldn’t do a video chat with me until next Tuesday, which isn’t ideal because you want to get Paxlovid in you within five days after symptoms start or else COVID can go right on replicating in you. I got on the horn to my oncologist and an on-call doctor called in a Paxlovid prescription without requiring a video chat. Despite my white count being back to normal since I’m 2+ years post chemo, they still don’t want cancer patients sick with anything. I am thankful to get this drug and feeling the ground underfoot steadying. 

The COVID congestion is definitely a thing which even DayQuil doesn’t touch, and the headache is a big ‘un, like a long thick wall, but get a couple of Tylenol in you and it collapses. Otherwise, because we’re vaxed to the max, it’s your basic head cold. Given we’re both quarantining inside, the plastic covering outside couldn’t have been better timed. It’s keeping the PEEL AWAY paint product toasty warm so it will best pull the paint layers off the wood and keeping our germs inside where they belong.

Pardon our dust…